The younger you get too familiar with the other gender, the less a kiss will mean to you later on when you’re ready to choose someone to marry. Mormons dress stylishly, and follow the main fashion trends (as long as they fit the guidelines of the church). I can understand why this may seem harsh or difficult. By the way i am 14 years old. We are still friends and close and everything but the other day he tried to kiss me, should I ask him what’s going on, or should I leave it be he has done this three times, should I be worried? I recently joined the LDS dating site again and it’s like a scene in an old western with the tumbleweeds blowing by. Though most Mormon youth follow the “no dating until 16” rule pretty firmly, specific dating rules vary somewhat based on the individual and their family rules. Kat – That was a very mature comment from you. Dating a mormon - How to get a good man. And yes, there's a dress code, but it's there for good reasons. Here is a relevant portion of the standard from For the Strength of Youth: “You should not date until you are at least 16 years old. We believe in following the guidance of our prophet, and that’s what I’ve shared on this page. I encourage you to come out of your shell and simply become a close friend with this person who you like, and who likes you back. However, God requires us to make certain promises to him in order to receive that blessing. Dating a Mormon Girl Make sure she is 16. I served as a full-time missionary for the church in Brazil for two years, and have been active in the church all my life. My interests include staying up late and taking naps. You also mentioned that you feel that some look down on you. Hence, ensure that the girl or guy you want to date is above 16; although with changing times, some kids may date younger, if your love interest is not keen on going out until 16, then hold off. He enrolled at BYU after purchasing a house in Provo and after some persuading from an LDS woman he was dating … Thank you! Avoid going on frequent dates with the same person. Especially when girls see them. Best of luck in getting to know him better! Thanks for sharing this story! It sounds like he isn’t like that though so I’m sure it could work out and be good for both of you gl. also Marcy Goodfleisch (author) from Planet Earth on December 16, 2012: Thank you, RusticLiving! I am really impressed by your faith and positive attitude about this situation–even if it is perplexing. Depending on how committed the Mormon person is to their church, you can expect varying degrees of insistence that you yourself become a Mormon. The Church doesn’t want to make your life decisions for you. Actually this makes being a Mormon, no different than other organized religions, in all honesty. Any advice? So, can anyone visit a temple? And they may want to move quickly toward that goal. Honestly this is making me want to date even less because rn it feels like a chore and that everyone is expecting me to go on dates with every single girl in are stake and never actually like anyone. I’m also worried that my parents would think badly of me for even asking a question like this. I don't even have to elaborate on this!!! What do I do? Updated October 2019 It’s always a tough situation to witness to a non-Mormon who is dating a Mormon, and you are right to be concerned. cause I’m new to dating a Mormon its like my first time. His parents don’t have to set up an official date for y’all, you can set up a date or just start dating, but really it comes down to what he’d be comfortable with. I'm Jim Harmer, and I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Is it truly something that breaks the mold for a member to like a non member. So I’m a 16 year old girl and my family doesn’t have any religious ties so I guess we identify as atheist. Mormon teenagers are instructed not to date until they are at least 16 years old, and then are encouraged to avoid dating the same person too seriously. The Dating App for Curvy People to Enjoy Dating & Find Love, Dating With Health Challenges? Marcy Goodfleisch (author) from Planet Earth on December 03, 2012: Hi, Aviannovice - many thanks for your comments here! The body is considered a sacred temple, and dressing in tight or revealing clothing is discouraged. I don’t know if I’m allowed to kiss or go to the movies or dinner etc. Suggest alternative times or activities if our ideas won’t work. I’ve heard that it would depend on the state. I’ve talked with him about WOW, sex and other standards and he respects them, even encourages them. One of my best friends is a Mormon and we have dated for three months but a month ago we chose to end it because of the rule of dating at 16, we are both 15. That would open the door, perhaps, to getting better acquainted. Some Mormons may choose not to develop a relationship to the point of calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, but others may see that as acceptable as long as it is kept within certain bounds. I feel bad hanging around him and his friends (who are all Mormon) when i want to be more then just his friend. cup of strong, freshly-brewed coffee....that I couldn't nor wouldn't give up for ANY reason.....I believe this automatically disqualifies me !! I’m a Mormon youth (16) and on the flipside of who this article is designed for. Kwaku of 3 Mormons is a pretty popular guy and experienced dater (which is so different than being a player, trust me), so he’s loading us up with his best advice. My “boyfriend” is Mormon and he’s 14 years of age. From the time we first started dating him being Mormon never actually came up. I just shared this link to one of my friend to help her. The Endowment ceremony is another one of those exalting … It makes me so confused!! I’ve known and liked this guy (16 as well) at my school for years and turns out he like me too! Voted up and shared. The definition of a Christian is “A person who follows and believes in Jesus Christ.” The name of our church is The church of JESUS CHRIST of latter-day saints. I grew up in Utah as a mormon. Be sure to let me know how it goes! Hi! If I was going to the one that she is going to, I would be going for my friends and her. I've seen this in areas outside of Utah, where the demographics (including ancestry) are quite different than in SLC - it's built into the way the church is organized, from what I can tell. The information is spot on and you have given a great example of how the Mormon faith feels about dating and marriage. Can we kissing ??? Just do your homework. I was so happy, but I knew she was mormon from asking one of her friends ( who is also morman). Just focus on the Savior. What are some big “NoNo’s” when it comes to dating a Mormon, compared with dating someone who isn’t a Mormon? For political chicks who want to date a Mormon: Mitt Romney is "that nice man," and Jon Huntsman is a dangerously liberal "Jack Mormon" (this is like being a lapsed Catholic). Visit an online dating site specifically geared toward Mormons (such as LDS Singles and LDS Planet). I admire your faith. I love reading articles that give insight into faiths other than my own. I can see why this would be a confusing situation for you. Would you be grown up enough to simply go meet her parents and ask them how you can best respect their wishes for their daughter, and for you to still be able to be close to her? If so, that could be a factor, since the church preference is not to date before 16. I will confirm that it is up to the individual to be obedient to any of the principles or laws. Marcy you helped me a lot and it worked out. And, as you mention those were extremely difficult times, and the journey was long. To me, someone who is genuinely sweet shows compassion (when appropriate), and is tender and kind, but also strong and not a pushover when faced with hardships, which sort of fits the image I have of you. But now I’m feeling all guilty about loving him because of this, so I need confirmation, is it wrong that I love someone at age 13? It’s wonderful that you like each other, but that hardly means you have to turn the relationship serious. I'm 100% sure that the "after party".....was totally unlike Joid's! Hi, Esme - I'm so glad you like the article. what if the parents of the mormon forces us not to see or interact with each other? Im very worried I’m going to push boundaries because I barely know anything about the religion. Please let me know why he hasn't asked me out yet. You crack me up - I needed the smile today. So glad you like the hub, Theater Girl! I’ve found that following the prophet’s council always leads to blessings. Developing serious relationships too early in life can limit the number of other people you meet and can perhaps lead to immorality. It's nice reading the positives about this group that get maligned quite a bit, to read that the folks in the press are there due to their aberrance, not their commonness. He is very nice and funny, but would he maybe still like me even though I’m an atheist? Hey - we don't hold that against people! Part of that repentance should include a change of heart and a commitment to stop dating, if you are still under 16. This was an interesting read, thankyou for posting it :) I live in Australia and have never actually met a Mormon before, but am interested in learning more about the religion. But I just need help because I really care for this girl and I don’t know what to do honestly, like what can I do to gain her parents trust again? The official Mormon dating rules can be found in For the Strength of Youth, but I’ll do my best to explain them in layman’s terms here. I recall having many of the same questions as a teenager. He has not … Everything else is really up to the personal choices of members of our church. I am dating a mormon guy and we are both 15, we just started dating and i am trying to learn more about this religion. Care to confirm anything? These guidelines can be found in the pamphlet called “For the Strength of Youth” on the church website. When I think of sweet, I see a quiet, demure, modest, sugary kind of "Southern Belle-type" of woman......which I am most assuredly NOT! i know it’s not allowed to date while you’re on a mission but he never asked me to break up with him… should i break up with him so he can be more focus on his calling? Christ is the Center of our religion, so sure, just ask him out if he is over 16. No one should be seriously thinking about marriage when they are 16. .. I’m trying to figure out what to do and I know these rules that Mormons can’t take till they are 16 and I 100% respect that. I recently started going to Mormon Chapel in Preston, uk. It's not unusual to find them dancing on weekend nights. One thing I like is that the church fully understands we are all human, and nobody is perfect. Quite the contrary. Have you gone to the Lord’s House to ask Him? So it's nice to envision the tables turned. I am Christian and I am sort of dating this girl who is Mormon, and she is 13 years old (almost 14) and I understand the whole dating thing you know, like they cant date till they are 16, I get it and I really respect that. This will help their non-member "significant other" understand the beliefs, and help them decide if they can be in a relationship with an LDS person and respect those beliefs. @Mia – Thanks for your message and your concern for your cousin. He’s 16 and so am I. Hope this helped . I like a Mormon guy who likes me he is 16 I'm not Mormon and not 16 does that mean he won't ask me out. Mormons also love to go to movies, play sports (several well-known professional athletes are LDS, including former NFL quarterback Ty Detmer and major baseball player Jeff Kent), play jokes on each other, go camping, do service projects, swim at the beach, snow ski, picnic, you name it. Marcy Goodfleisch (author) from Planet Earth on May 30, 2013: Many thanks! Hi. We met while he was on his mission and now he's home. According to the teachings of the Church, Mormon youth … One thing about dating tips for guys — they’re controversial. So i have a question. Yes, some do. Purpose in Christ is where I share my faith with those who want to learn about Jesus Christ and the peace that only He can bring into their lives. Once you hang out with a group of LDS people of any age, you may find them to be as fun (and funny) as anyone else you've met, but also very considerate, caring, supportive of each other, and accepting of others. I am one . But I’m an LDS girl (16) and I’ve always wondered if it’s a sin to date/eventually marry a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th cousin. It’s not rude. Let me know what happens? That will give you an idea of whether you might be interested in joining the church, as well. If you really care about the Mormon you’d like to date, the easiest and quickest way to understand them at a deeper level is to understand the beliefs that are central to the way they live. I'm laid back and get along with everyone. Families in the LDS church are considered. Once you pair off, others will never treat the two of you the same way when you’re in a room together. What kind of advice do you have regarding what is considered acceptable behaviour on a date. Thank you. What say you, Marcy?? Nope. is it okay to kiss ( not heavily at all) or go out with someone since in under 16? At 14 I was hanging out with an awesome group of boys and girls. Yes, the LDS church is like any other church, with normal people who fight normal temptations. . I haven’t told them I’m Mormon and I don’t know what to do or how to reply to that year 9 gal… I’ve prayed and I felt to ask her ” why do you love me? In the beginning when we both started to like each other, she told me that she doesn’t like using the word love because she feels like its for the grown ups, and I respected that and later on I was the first boy she ever said I love you to. I’ve written about that here. Being exalted is different than being “saved,” if that’s confusing to you, watch this video. I understand that you want to “make it official.” If that conflicts with his belief system, do you care enough about him to wait? is it okay to hold hand, kiss on the cheek and maybe kiss? At the end of the day, assuming you're not a Mormon, you're not doing anything wrong. Your question seems to be how you could have a girl like you, and you like her, and possibly even have a relationship and kiss, while not running afoul of the Lord’s commandment. Be with other people and friends. Dating / marriage with nonmembers isn't seen as a great scenario but it still happens all the time. First, thanks a lot for your blog. And what do they do for fun? Obviously he was seriously counting on that "forgiveness clause"!!!! I’m just trying to do the right thing but I feel like I’ve really messed up and ruined my relationship with this girl who’s already been through a lot. It's definitely not a good thing if you're dating a Mormon, where is the fellowship in that? Hi, I am wondering if you might be able to explain to me why being non lds hurts the chances that an lds member will date the other person. Listen to this short story. What’s the best way to know what is okay and what isn’t when dating a Mormon? While this means that we take it more seriously, it also means that proposals happen quicker. Those promises can be made in our temples. By the way, sorry for not mentioning but I am aethiest. On the way many died, were sick and their hardships were many -- so they consequently turned back to our little county and had to be satisfied with being Baptists the rest of their lives as there were no Mormon churches in the area back then. Music at the dances can be either from a live band or a DJ, and there will usually be some sort of snacks or refreshments available. The Short Version: Mormon singles don’t always know where to go to find a date who follows the church of the Latter-Day Saints. For this to happen, the couple must follow God’s commandments to be prepared for making those commitments. Also the church doesn’t have many specific rules when it comes to dating. How can I recognize what is he really expecting? Can you go over the rules just a little bit more for that portion of it? No joking here, over such an egregious & grave situation. ? Just a gross waste of time, effort and tax dollars. I’m wondering what I should do because I have two high schools that I can go to, and the one I want to will not have her in it. There is a short series of lessons about the church designed to help non-members understand the teachings, and your LDS boyfriend or girlfriend can help arrange them for you to take them. Many LDS guys and girls will want to marry in a Mormon temple. Good luck to you! I know I probably shouldn't date her, but I can't help but be smitten with her. Birger gets his LDS data from Trinity College's American Religious Identification Survey (ARIS) on the demographics of Mormons, which substantiates the 50 percent oversupply of women. The dances are free, there's no alcohol, and (as is consistent with church policy) people are asked to avoid suggestive dance moves and to dress modestly. I just went to a football game with this girl that is mormon, shes a really nice girl and I’d like to spend time with her again. Men in the church (for you guys who want to date a Mormon girl) usually wear a white shirt and tie to church. Any advice? Thank you for being so respectful of his beliefs. Y’all need to chill about dating. Keep these in mind and you can successfully … Hi, i have a question. We are both 15. “I know 18 sounds crazy to … Men looking for a man - Women looking for a man. Mormons do not have sex before marriage. I’m 13. Hi, Gosh....please don't tell me you know nothing about this case!! One day he calls me “bro”, the other day he texts me “sweet dreams” or “good morning” or make a surprise you’d expect only from your real boyfriend. We fall in love with people of all religions just as anyone does. Just do what you think is right and ignore the naysayers. I’ll tell y ou about a sexual mistake you can make when you’re 45; being a post-mormon and dating an active, divorced LDS woman of 41. The rest of the time, I'm riding dirt bikes or traveling the world taking pictures. Could you be a little more specific as to what you’re asking about? If you’re dating a Mormon, be interested with their religion. Mormon guys are great and are decent, good men, and the women are sweet and caring, so it's nice to have some of the mystery unraveled about dating someone from the LDS church! Your religion is about developing a relationship with Heavenly Father and we ALL have our problems–including those who are prideful and look down on you. While most people date 9-12 months before courtship, it's not unheard of for couples to get engaged quicker. okay so the problem is ….. We are in relationship(6months). And, sadly, there are people who join for the wrong reasons. I don’t think you’re being told the entire story. Marcy Goodfleisch (author) from Planet Earth on December 04, 2012: LOL! Some of them say they won’t ever date anyone other than a Mormon some will date Christians and some will even date atheists. But many (maybe most) will probably want non-members they date to learn the teachings of the church before they get serious. ), I’m a Mormon and I really like this girl who is a non-member and she likes me. Hi Katherine, I would just open up about this with your parents. i like this amazing mormon but im christen and i wanted to know about marrege rules and if your able to be both religiouns. Perhaps much of it came from the heritage you mentioned and the church was infused with it, but it surely is systemic. I have a lot of fun talking to her and hanging out, but she told her friend she wanted me to do more, like actually date her seriously. A Mormon may certainly marry someone who is a non-Mormon, but they will always want that person to prepare to go with them to the temple and become married for eternity. It’s also admirable that you are willing to respect his beliefs as he respects yours. I want to explain a Mormon belief that is central to our beliefs that is responsible for just about every dating decision we make. The only reason we discussed it was because i had mentioned that i dated a Mormon before in a story i was telling him, and he replied "Oh i am actually Mormon." Thanks for the update, Angel, you made my day! I would know. my cousin was a christian until she decided to have a seriously relationship with a Mormon boy but now she has converted to being a Mormon like him and she has also been baptised. Aisling Ireland from Bolingbroke, GA on December 17, 2012: Thanks for this informative article. But it does happen, and as long as both parties accept the differences, it can work. Okay so is that his parents rules that he can’t date till after his mission? What I know of Mormons and their belief system....pure-living and strict life-style rules....It would be unfair and unrealistic for me to consider dating a poor, unsuspecting Mormon. Hi Kasey, Thank you for being so respectful as to learn about his religion. Devoted Mormons adhere to strict teachings that inform choices about everything from one's diet to humanitarian service.And as with most religions, those teachings follow them through the most personal aspects of their lives, including into the bedroom. It sounds like your family were early church pioneers - at least for that period of time. If you've never heard that term, it will sound confusing. Suzie from Carson City on December 01, 2012: Marcy......No chance of this being something for me to be concerned with at this point in my life. The church’s official guidelines still suggest waiting until you’re at least 16 to date. 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